Photos courtesy of the Tiger Claw Elite Championships
Martial arts training by itself is quality education. The positive effects of physical activity on school-age children alone are well-documented; martial arts further teaches discipline, respect, confidence, focus, self-esteem, and much more. In spite of this, when it comes to participating in competitive events such as martial arts tournaments, many well-intentioned parents place too much pressure on their kids to perform well. Some parents even avoid putting their kids in competitive situations to shield them from disappointment. However, when done right, participating in tournaments is not only a great vehicle for parent-child bonding and relationship-building, it is a great opportunity to empower children with skills they'll use throughout their lives.
Competition Is a Great Stage for Learning
Typically the verb “compete” is perceived in modern culture as taking part in a contest between rivals vying for a prize that requires defeating the other participants. “Compete” comes from the Latin words “com” and “petere,” which mean “together” and “to seek” respectively. Consequently, to compete could really be understood as an effort to seek together, to strive alongside others, for the attainment of a common goal. Indeed, within this context, sports competition stands as a universal language of positive principles, an avenue where individuals or teams are constantly “striving for excellence,” “demonstrating respect," and “celebrating friendship," which are the three fundamental values of the Olympic movement, and are strongly prevalent in all traditional and modern Chinese martial arts disciplines.
The objective of participating in competitions is to challenge oneself and continually improve. Particularly in young children the experience should be good, healthy, and constructive, a thrilling and healthy rivalry that pushes them beyond their limits while viewing other competitors as partners rather than the enemy. However, with competition comes pressure, the need to deal with failure and success, and parents must acknowledge their role in the process and assume the correct attitudes and behaviors, including being unconditionally supportive, trusting your child’s coach or master, providing empathy, positivity, and strength in regards to your child’s results while never expressing negativity about the other competitors.
How Do You Respond to Something That Happens?
We always have choices, even when we are not aware of them. We are faced with them every day. One of our most important choices is how to respond to something that happens, as this will determine if any good comes of it. It will affect what and how we learn and also our relationship with others. Will how you respond to something bring out the best in you and others, or will it be something less? Learning is much easier and more enjoyable if it is fun, especially for young children. Attending or participating in a martial arts tournament, demonstration or class should be an exciting, enjoyable, and fun learning experience.
Among the many benefits are achievement, self-mastery, and friendships. Doing something is achievement, no matter how big or small, recognized or not. Self-mastery is learning to discover yourself and do the best with what you learn. Friendships are the key to lifelong learning, learning that is fun, enjoyable, and has meaning. All these elements help to build a life that is meaningful. How you, as parent, respond to something that happens at a martial arts tournament, demonstration, or martial arts class will have an impact on your child, yourself and your relationship with each other.
Promoting a Constructive Atmosphere
While things that happen in life may be beyond our control, how we respond is not. How do you react if your child at a martial arts tournament, demonstration, or in class does not perform well? You do not allow your ego to take over the situation, preventing any good from coming about from the experience. Instead, you should strive to empower your child, offer encouragement.
Choose to further build your relationship with your child. Talk to your child and find out how he or she feels. If your child feels badly, then talk about that feeling. Talk about other feelings as well. Also talk about your child's achievements, hard work, fun, enjoyment, and new friends. Tell your child how you feel about his or her accomplishments. Help your child to see things in a better and more meaningful perspective. If your child is not doing well compared to others or as expected but enjoys what he or she is doing, then choose to enjoy it with your child. Each child develops uniquely in his or her own way and in his or her own time. It is not about you. It is about you and your relationships with others, especially children. You should choose to make every experience an opportunity for growth.
Taking Your Eyes Off the Prize
Kung Fu means hard work over time to develop advanced skills, though it is important to differentiate hard work from a relentless drive for success. Balance is key in everything we do, especially in young children. Understandably, during the course of any competitive activity there will be moments of excitement and anxiety, and the competition could be highly evocative. Still, if you act with sincere enthusiasm and support in front of your child, instead of belittling other players, unjustly criticizing the judges, or simply displaying your own frustration or disappointment, your child will learn to emulate your actions. It is important for your child to see and know that you always have his or her best interests at heart. Your relationship with your child will be the model for your child's relationships with others. Let your relationship with your child be life-giving or life-promoting in the very best possible way.
Success should never be measured in terms of winning or losing. If your child is unhappy about a tournament result, he or she may not tell you. Your child may resist further participation in the activity, or even show signs of depression, or anxiety – red flags that warrant your attention. Help your child see things in a more positive way, as a learning and growing process. (The journey is more important than the destination.) Help your child discover and understand what is really important. Is it the trophy, or all the fun, hard work, enjoyment, and friendships along the way? Every child's performance should be enjoyed and valued for what it is, regardless of the outcome. Doing something is the secret to life. Choose to do something, make a plan, then strive to do it. That has intrinsic value and should be its own reward. How others see it is less important.
Failure Is Never Defeat
When you make mistakes, empower yourself by choosing to learn from them. Consider your choices to make the situation better. Pick the one that will bring about the best in you and in your relationships with others, especially children. Out-of-control anger and yelling at a tournament setting are clearly not the best choices. Choose to grow by improving yourself and your relationships with others. If it is too late, strive to rebuild your relationships now and make plans for the next time. Try to see the choices you have, pick the best one, try to do it, and learn from the process.
You may soon realize that this is a learning curve for all of us. It should always be remembered that we are in relationships with one another and ourselves. Whatever we do or achieve in life is with the help of others. Choose to empower yourself by also empowering those around you. Always think, say, and do things in such a way as to bring about the best in you, everyone else, and especially young children. Learn what your kids are passionate about. Take an interest, encourage and help them, always be positive, and celebrate all their accomplishments. This will make attending a martial arts tournament, demonstration, or class an enjoyable learning experience worth repeating – hopefully for a lifetime.
