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Fri, September 03, 2010
Guess who's coming to dinner? Your master!
The do's and don'ts of Chinese Banquet Etiquette
by David Wei
 Traditional Chinese culture is full of formalities and courtesies,
and even though modern China is nothing like the romantic China of centuries
past, many traditional standards of etiquette and social propriety are still
strictly observed. This holds especially true for diners and banquettes as
sharing a meal is perhaps the most favored pastime of the Chinese.
The largest Chinese banquet commemorates the Lunar New Year, or Spring
Festival (chun jie). For foreigners invited to share in the new year
festivities, it is important to be aware of traditional social formalities so as
to avoid "losing face" - both yours and the host's. Granted,
most Chinese will not hold their foreign guests accountable for such strict
standards of cultural conduct; nevertheless, the host can certainly
appreciate the effort put forth as it shows a deep appreciation and respect for
their traditions.
A special circumstance holds, however, for Chinese martial artists. Many
traditional practitioners, especially in southern systems, observe etiquette
very closely. It is believed that the social behavior of a student directly
reflects the level and quality of instruction imparted by the master, and in
this light, it is absolutely imperative for a serious student to take the time
to familiarize themselves with standards of traditional etiquette so as to avoid
inadvertently disrespecting one's master and lineage.
Before the Meal
The first and foremost standard of courtesy to observe is properly addressing
the master. A student should always greet the master appropriately. Titles may
vary depending on the school and system, so if one is new to a school and unsure
of how to address the master, a simple "Hello" with a gentle smile and
friendly eye-contact should suffice.
To complement a greeting, a number of gestures can be made. Many Chinese
martial artists formally greet each other with a "baoquan," or
"hugged fist." This gesture is made by cupping a right-handed fist
with the left palm. To make this gesture more polite, you may add a slight bow
at the shoulders. "Kowtowing," or kneeling, is another traditional
gesture for greeting the master, but these days it is very uncommon. If done
over dramatically, especially in front of a large crowd, it can be considered
quite rude. If one feels it to be sincerely appropriate, such a gesture should
be made privately in an intimate setting.
On the Road
While on the road, there are specific formalities to observe as well. If on
foot, always walk beside or behind the master. Leading is appropriate only when
the master does not know the way. Once a destination is reached, open the door
for the master or, if the door is locked, knock on behalf of the master and then
step back. If traveling by charter, public transport, or chauffer, always open
and hold the door for the master. Always insist on carrying the master's
luggage, and be prepared to pay for the trip and tip the driver when
appropriate.
When driving the master, be sure to meticulously observe all traffic
regulations and always drive the appropriate speed. Avoid sudden or jerky
steering, getting lost, or anything else that may discomfort the master along
the ride. Also, refrain from playing music that is excessively loud or
explicit. If the master is driving, sit comfortably and quietly, and try not to
disturb the master with small or trivial questions. Always be ready to cover
any toll or parking charges that may arise. Upon arrival, be sure to thank the
master for driving.
During the Meal
Sharing a meal with the master is an amazing opportunity that should not be
taken lightly (especially a Chinese New Year meal, as this holiday is
reserved for immediate family). One must remember that not all lessons are
taught in a classroom setting, and often times simply observing how the master
conducts himself in common activities, such as a meal, can give valuable insight
as to how martial principles transcend simple punches and kicks. In this light,
sharing a meal with the master can be a golden opportunity to further one's
understanding and practice.
The first thing to observe at a banquet is the seating arrangements. Never
rush to pick a seat or sit down right away. When dining with the master, it is
always best to be invited to a chair. The master should get the power seat,
i.e. the seat with its back to the wall and positioned to observe the front door
and/or the kitchen. From the power seat, the master's esteemed guests,
spouse, or disciples sit alongside. The other guests typically fan out from
there in order of seniority.
While seated, sit calmly and acutely present, and always exercise good
posture. Avoid fidgety, nervous, or other outwardly anxious behavior. Have a
relaxed smile, and make good eye contact with people. Avoid speaking out of
turn, and be especially sure not to whisper, gossip, snicker, or giggle with a
neighbor. When speaking, always have appropriate tone and volume. If asking
the master a question, be sure the question is meaningful and concise, ideally
one that the other guests can gain from too. In general, however, one should
politely observe silence so as to create a space for the master to share
information at their leisure.
Actual eating only begins when the master makes the invitation. Eating
should be modest, polite, and slow - enjoyed and savored bite by bite. It
is considered very rude to rush food, reach for it, hoard it, or hog it, as this
shows one's concern for the food is higher than that of sharing time with
the master. Conversely, it is very important to pace oneself while eating, as
stopping halfway through a meal can be deemed impolite as well.
 When serving one's self, wait until the master,
honored guests, and senior students have all had a helping. Moreover, one
should only take from the food that is within comfortable reach. Serving the
master is a task typically reserved for wait staff and the person seated
directly beside the master. It is appropriate to serve the master rice,
noodles, or soup; otherwise, it is best to let the master help his or her
self. If the table is equipped with a "Lazy Susan," it is best to let
others spin it, only touching it to help other guests reach a dish more
comfortably.
If seated next to the master, always be aware of the masters needs, be it for
a napkin, a utensil, or something else. One should also pay close attention to
the master's glass, never letting the master pour his own drink. If serving
tea, service order typically goes to the master first, to the master's older
guests, to the master's younger guests, to senior students, and finally to
yourself. If the master serves you tea, be sure to hold the cup with both
hands; to be even more polite, you can also stand up as the master pours for
you.
If there is a toast, hold your glass up while the toast is being offered.
When touching glasses, be sure the mouth of your glass goes below the mouth of
the other person's glass as a simple gesture of respect. If there are too
many people to touch glasses with, or if others are beyond a comfortable reach,
it is acceptable to tap the bottom of your glass on the table instead and raise
it to the guest that is out of reach. If you have been personally toasted to,
it is polite to return the toast at some point before the meal ends. If you are
giving the toast, keep it simple; short expressions of gratitude or well
wishes for good health and fruitful relationships are always good toast topics.
To be more polite, you may also stand while you are toasting. After group
toasts have been made, it is also ok to toast individual guests.
When drinking alcohol, take small, respectful sips unless specifically
invited by the master to "gan bei" (dry cup). It is always
best to avoid refilling your own glass - especially if the beverage is
alcoholic. Also, it is ok to sip on tea or water at one's leisure, but
alcohol should always be sipped with another guest. As it is a celebration,
guests are expected to become intoxicated; however, one should always
maintain composure, as lewd, drunken behavior is a huge "loss of
face." If you do not drink, it is important to inform the master prior to
the meal. If you feel you have had enough, it is okay to gently decline further
drinks.
At the end of a meal, always leave a small bite on your plate when you
finish. If you clear your plate, this means you have not had your fill, and it
is then the host's responsibility to provide more food. If a large group
has gone out to eat, arrangements to pay the bill should be made between
students beforehand so as not to make a hassle at the end of the meal. If it is
simply a meal with yourself and the master, and/or your master's guests, it
is best to casually slip the server a credit or debit card before the meal
starts. The master should never have to pay for a meal.
If at any point in the course of the meal you need to excuse yourself, place
your chopsticks alongside your plate or bowl before you leave. Never stand your
chopsticks up in a bowl of rice as this is a symbol associated with death.
Other gestures to avoid are snapping the fingers, pointing, or whistling, as
these are all considered rude.
After the Meal
After the meal, it is okay to give the
master a gift; however, gift-giving should be modest so as to avoid
offending the other guests who did not bring anything. Generally, when gifts
are given, the receiver will politely decline at least two or three times. It
is expected that the giver will gently persist until the gift is accepted;
however, you should be sensitive to a sincere refusal. When the gift is
accepted, offer the gift with both hands.
Appropriate gifts include: potted plants or flowers, quality arts or crafts,
something from your native culture, something you feel the master could use or
would use often, or something that would either benefit or beautify the school.
For Chinese New Year, it is also appropriate to give fruits, sweets, clothing,
quality alcohol, or, if the master smokes, fine tobacco. Gift wrapping is also
nice, but be sure to use red or gold paper. If you would like to give money, be
sure to place it in a red envelope and give an amount that is divisible by 3, 5,
8, or 9.
Never give the master a clock, watch, or calendar; never give cut
flowers; never give gifts that are white or wrapped in white paper; and
never give items in sets of four as these are all symbolic of death or funerals.
Also, never give a gift that is sharp, such as scissors or a knife, as it can
represent cutting ties. Finally, be careful when offering gifts of food for it
could symbolize poverty or despair.
Before the guests leave, it is also common for everyone to take photos. To
avoid the possibility of being rude, always be sure the master knows he or she
is being photographed before shooting. In a photograph with just you and the
master, always stand to your master's right side. In larger group photos,
make sure the master is in the middle.
Though many of these formalities seem excessive or overbearing, they are very
important. Making the extra effort to observe courtesy is one of the best ways
to leave a positive impression with the master and help to further establish a
strong dynamic. In Chinese culture, the relationship between master and
disciple is sacred, and in that light, the sincere student should make every
effort to display the highest level of respect.
Written by David Wei for KUNGFUMAGAZINE.COM
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